Outwit Outplay Outlast

i'd like to believe..

2009-10-31T05:21:00.000-07:00

i'd like to believe that planet earth turns slowly..
but i guess i was too naive back then.
actually all these were kind of expected, after all it'll be two years and with such drastic crossroads tt we'll have to take, it'll come sooner or later.

but i didnt expect it to come tt soon

isit me who've changed? maybe im stubborn, but i dun think so.

mayb its what im going thru in camp tt makes me feel so angst these days
mayb it's because i feel im the oni one making a damn effort
mayb it's just me

it's now then i lie back in bed then i recall all those times tt we shared.
a few may be just 2 years
but some others are at least a 6.
looking back, i guess im just stupid to think tt we'll be frens forever(yea tt cliche but i once thought we would make it. at least the few of us)
do u guys rmb all the stupid stuff we did back in sec sch?
like doing all sorts of stupid stunts to get tt eraser down from the ceiling outside our sec 4 classroom.
like being there for one another thru the Os
like being there for one another when one heart breaks
like being there for each other thru the As
like being crazy together whilst playing mahjong. raindance~~

all these seem so long ago. those happiness. those are the fun times.

its been 3 months. and its oni half a year and things are taking a wild turn.
i wouldnt even dare to think whats going to happen when i finish army.

we were once tt close. once.

朋友一生一起走.

或许..

但那些日子不再有.

i'd like to make myself believe, tt planet earth turns slowly.

朋友, 如果一年后的今天我们又再见面,
那我们脸上的微笑, 会像我们一年前那样的亲切吗?
无论如何,我希望你们过得幸福.
或许我们以前拥有的回忆你们会忘了
但它的点点滴滴我都会怀念.

2009-02-19T06:43:00.000-08:00

perhaps sometimes there isnt a why for somethings.

things go wrong

from Ah Xin de blog:

「有些人經過我身旁住在我腦中在我心底鑽洞
有些人變成相片堆在角落灰塵像雪一般冰凍」
曾經，對著在我們生命中走過的人們，這樣唱著。
他們也許擦肩而過，也許並肩走過一段，
也許給我們一段或者歡笑或者哭泣的風景。
但，最怕有些人雖然早已走遠，卻從不肯把屬於他的回憶帶走。
於是，總在一個人時，不住地獨自懊惱：

2009-02-18T07:35:00.000-08:00

some things are better left unsaid.

sometimes we should just let time do the job

2009-02-15T06:07:00.000-08:00

quarrel quarrel quarrel

wonder when will all these end.

i guess there will be more of these days.

hais.

it's all coming back again. sigh.

why do u do this to me.
why do u do this so easily
u made it hard to smile because
u made it hard to breathe
why do u do this to me.

2008-12-19T10:52:00.000-08:00

一年之后的今天, 若我们同坐在一起

那画面会是怎样呢.

6人.
6个过这不同生活的人
1年的时间.

我闭上眼睛.

眼泪笑了.

在世上,最长的距离不是彼此被搁到天涯海角,
而是你在我面前,但那种熟悉已不在了...

whats with life

2008-12-17T05:26:00.000-08:00

survivor's gone
bob won - as expected
sugar played the game well - enuf to get to final 3 but not more than tt
susie lucked in at the last immunity
matty lucked out

went back to sl intensive 2008 - and its going to be the last
i feel so freakin old there.
and what used to be an annual gathering for seniors seem meaningless now.
cos apparently, not many seniors left.
and.. i guess the connections' not there anymore.
ppl do change. mayb i did too.

post-A's wasnt meant to be like tt.
sigh.
perhaps now tt studies are aside, our minds start to ponder even more.
and past few day's /weeks' experience tell me tt it's going to be even tougher.
and i feel sort of tired.
i dun wan to be the one putting the pieces together.

it's a wierd thing. mayb studies and sch was a common bond.
and now it's over..it's going to be hard maintaining all these.
sigh.
once again.
regrettable.

HAPPY 18TH BDAY HUI LONG! =DDDD

2008-12-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BDAY HUI LONG! ALL THE BEST IN WHATEVER U DO AND ENJOY UR DAY! HOPE U LIKE UR GIFT =D KEEP IN TOUCH!

THANKS FOR THE PHOTO =D U ROCK!

love and paranoia

2008-12-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

pre-resoluntions for 2009 1

perhaps before the year end, i should have a series of pre resolutions, to look at my life for the past year, and reflect upon it ba. eh..all this may sound a lil emo.. but i guess its part of life, esp during this period where mayb i should spend some time with myself. previous years oni write and keep for myself, mayb this year try something different, mayb post it here ba. nth to hide anyway. also..perhaps i should reflect upon these two years in jc, instead of just jc2.

well just watched survivor and mayb today's episode was surrounded by the themes Love and Paranoia, and tt made me even more emo. ha.

for those who never watch survivor before..it's a really nice reality show..and mayb if i dun give a lil para on what it's all about u'll not understand what im writing about.

basically, survior is a reality show where 18 contestants come to this island(this season is survivor-gabon) and they outwit outplay and outlast each other in order to win a mill bucks. for the elimination of the 1st nine ppl, they will be divided into two tribes and have challenges like reward or immunity. for rewards, they will earn rewards for the tribe, while for immunity, the losing tribe will go to a place called Tribal Council and vote out one memmber of the tribe. this goes on until normally at the last 9, where the two tribes will merge, then, they will play for Individual immunity, where oni an individual wiill be immuned from the voting. additionaly from the 9 left, each of the voted out will be part of the Jury, where they will have the power to vote for who they think deserves the title Sole Survivor, when it comes to the final 3. exciting huh?

eh mayb still not very exciting if u just read this, but those who watch will understand, cos beneath it all we can see the true colours of humans, where they blindside, get into alliance and try to outwit outplay and outlast each other.

however, for the so manny past seasons tt i've watched, its always different alliances, diffeent way of blindside, different kinds of people. but one thing's for sure, love. like for today's episode, the reward for the individual was to enjoy a video clip from their loved ones. when the host said tt, tears were seen on everyone's faces - the evil, the dumb, the gullible, the strong. well i guess tt sorta moved me. and it made me reflect upon my jc life, those who i know, those who i knew, those who i wished i've known earlier, those who i wished i know.

i rmbed still so vividly tt during tt post o level results, whilst we were deciding where to go, i was comtemplating on whether to go to aj, or somewhere better. i eve emoed over it. ppl called me dumb, cos ppl will oni emo over nowhere to go, and not over dunno where to go. so oh well i guess i had my own fears and reasons. and i chose aj in the end.

i guess it was not really hard adapting to aj, cos it was just fully filled with xinminians. oh well looking back, actually the hardest thing for this jc life is not about studies, but over relationship and frenship. (this is for me personally) somethings are meant to be kept inside oneself ba i guess.

compared to sec sch, i guess i've known much fewer ppl in aj compared to xms. well partly due to fact tt i was in council last time. but this time..mayb because frens go different ways, and i feel sorta vulnerable.

and mayb because of this vulnerability, i guess i emoed for the most many times in my life in jc. hais. cancerians have a sentimental life. but all tt made me a stronger me, and one thing's for sure, im really glad i removed tt incident away from my shoulders at the very end. because tt incident really bothered me for quite a while. we started off as total strangers, and perhaps anything more than tt now is considered a great acheivement. hah. bt oh well some say it's just me thinking too much, but there's always a part of it tt i never share and perhaps will never, and the ugly fact of life will always remain as tt. at least u know it urself. ppl who sees it will know.
looking back, it really is amazing how much i've let this thing affected me. teachers coming to me. schlorship at stake.results etc etc. i must've been blind la. but at least now i know?
well mayb when u make a mistake, dun lose the lesson, and for tt i've forged even closer ties with my frens. and for tt im thankful. tt was basically the major part of ard jun2007 til ard aug2008. a major part.

and then because our ties got stronger, i feel so weak now. perhaps 10 years down the road, or even next year when i read this again..how would tt situation be like? because im going to the army, because the girls are leaving for uni, because the boys are going to other platoons..im afraid. mayb im a loser, but im afraid of losing what i got now. it's not tt i got no confidence in the frenship, but im afraid the lack of topics, the lack of time, the lack of the energy will u know..sigh.

call it the transition state, and im really afraid. i'll really really miss u. hL, jy, sy, ger, viv, ht, fiona, nick, obiang, ceph, yilin, char, des, wc, joc, jerm, sam, argh the list is just so long. bt basically almost everyone.
for those in 26, im sure we will meet up, but wat about those from other classes? argh i wont have the courage to ask some out de. sigh.

zz ok i guess survivor really made me become so emotional now ZZZ. im like tearing! ahh. mayb i should continue some other time. when i'm more cooled.

2008-12-04T02:38:00.000-08:00

比想象中更痛你真的没回头

i mean every normal human would somehow feel a lil disappointed de ba.
at least. at least photos were taken.
final goodbyes.
well. what more could i say.
a lil disappinted a lil lost.

我命令眼泪不许失控

hais. imul!
and mayb this is really the last time le. i doubt miracles happen two times in a row.
argh. this suck
been long since i emoed. ahhh . sian1/2

回忆不跟你走都挤在我心中
我就有责任让它值得被珍重

juat a lil too late.

我眼泪都笑了谁还想哭呢
再勇敢的站着找回光和热
面对你的时候我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客因为路有些曲折是美的
来不及完美的就唱首骊歌
想起你的时候我不是卑微的
反而我没有遗憾因为我已爱过你深深的

hmm just hope u like tt? promise to cherish it can?
all the best.

2008-10-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

so yst was the farewell. mixed emotions.
and as usual, i seem to be the one who cried the most. ZZZ.
like when everyone was laughing when seeing the department videos, stupid nelson is there tearing.
like when i just step inside the homeroom for the last time, stupid nelson cry again.
luckily i knew tt this was going to happen, so i brought tissues in the morning lol.

yup so i guess i'll miss the teachers.
even ms in, and what she wrote for the class in the bookmark was really touching.
and omg the parker pen carved with our names - its going to be with me thruout life. thanks.

and of cos my dear mr koh!
i guess im the most xing fu rep in the whole AJ.
elmo - the nickname he gave me cos to him im always emoing. yea he call me the cousin of elmo. and he bought for me this super big elmo! =D its on my bed now and i hao lianed to everyone LOL. COS HE ONLY GAVE ME! HAHA IM HAO LIANING AGAIN. THANKS MR KOH! u rock la. i love u! (LOL)

遇到你真的爱的人时，

要努力争取和他／她相伴的机会，

因为当他／她离去的时候，一切都来不及了。

遇到可以相信的朋友时，

要好好和他／她相处下去，

因为在人的一生中，可遇到的知已真的易

遇到曾经爱过的人时，

记得微笑向他／她感激，

因为他／她是让你更懂得爱的人

遇到曾经恨过的人时，

要微笑向他／她打招呼，

因为他／她让你更加坚强

遇到曾经背叛你的人时，

要跟他／她好好聊一聊，

因为若不是他你今天不会懂这世界

遇到曾经偷偷喜欢的人时，

要祝他／她幸福快乐，

因为你喜欢他／她是不是希望他／她幸福快乐吗？

遇到匆匆离开你人生的人时，

要谢谢他／她走过你的人生，

因为他／她是你精彩回忆的一部分

遇到曾经和你有误会的人时，

要趁现在解决误会，

因为你可能只有这一次机会解释清楚

人的一生就只有那么一次的机会可以做这些事。

i guess jc life is regrettable(copied from see yuen)
some ppl i'd rather not know, some i wished i had known earlier.
some things i rather repeat, some i wished i had cherished more.
some words i wished i said, some i wished i never said it out loud.

but tts just life yea? shut up, move on.

ok i shall continue on another day.

2008-10-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

新快报讯（记者贺雅佳）

周杰伦本年度新专辑《魔杰座》将于10月9日全亚洲同步发行，新专辑的表达主题是人性和领悟。首播主打歌《稻香》由他本人包办词曲创作，透过童年主题传达知足的人生理念。

　　主打歌《稻香》反映社会现实

　　新专辑的主打歌《稻香》9月22日将全球同步首播，在这首歌里，周杰伦展露自己的音乐创作以外的出色填词功力，《稻香》是继《蜗牛》、《听妈妈的话》后，他再次用简单的文字，创造出即富想象的禅意境界。曲的部分周杰伦也大胆尝试，以嬉哈与民谣两种音乐混合，特别是一开始的民谣吉他，令人耳目一新。

　　台湾媒体透露，听过新歌《稻香》的DJ都表示：这是很真诚的一首歌曲，值得推荐。周杰伦则说，这首歌让创作更贴近自己的原意，这首歌他词曲通包。

　　创作灵感源自童年趣事

　　周杰伦在《稻香》开头第一段就唱，对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨，跌倒了就不敢继续往前走，为什么人要这么的脆弱、堕落提醒大家不要以抱怨代替感激，要传达的概念就是知足。

　　在这首歌曲里，周杰伦以小时候的生活经验为创作出发。他说，小时候很羡慕住在乡下的小孩，当时家门口种芒果树，在家练琴时，可以透过窗户看见隔壁邻居翻墙偷摘芒果，那是个有趣经验；小时候很顽皮的他，也曾在大水沟里抓大肚鱼，不小心摔进水沟，回来被妈妈取笑是因为头太大又重才会掉进去，这些回忆都成了周杰伦的创作灵感。

　　周杰伦目前忙于新专辑后制工作，也继续钻研魔术，最近还在朋友婚礼上小试身手，对他而言，音乐与魔术都是属于神秘的语言。

　　据悉，歌迷可以在其官方网站预购新专辑，届时歌迷还可以得到一份周董精心准备的礼物— —四四方方四种颜色转来转去考验智力的魔杰方块。

WHEE new album coming up! =D
aabeess. wat disgusting grades =(
aaaaaaa. ok this sounds better. =)

2008-09-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

ok now i feel like a fool.
too much of a coincidence le ba.
it's a two-sided thing. i tried too hard.
hmm..
sa.

2008-09-25T04:31:00.000-07:00

results mostly bad. and i guess this is one of the worst or the worst i ever gotten.
hmm.. like what me and jia ying said. like tt easier to get good progress award next time. yea!
___

if u one day would bother, i would slap myself. cos it'll be a dream.

2008-09-24T06:34:00.000-07:00

ok this post is pun intended. find it if u can.

tts a cursed song.
i didnt know 第一次是偶然，第二次是必然，第三次是命中主定 also applies here.
ok mayb nt 第三次是命中主定 yet. (oh man it better not)

zzz. A > B > C. its always like tt. and A is always nelson. rrawrs.

lol i bet u dun even care. alrites. another parallel line perhaps. and this time it meets at a point for u.

a part of me still long for things to become better.
___

on another note, found out something super amazing yst.
sometimes i think im just so pro at this kind of stupid things.
all i had was a few puzzle pieces and ta dah i can piece everything together.
and i must say. WOW. nice pun over there =D
tt explains tt wierd incident at the squash court during pre prelims
tt explains those qns.
tt explains everything.
_____

ignorance is bliss. and i guess i lead myself to knowing all these. so serve me right.

2008-09-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

Y? please tell me u're be fine.
Only cos u're important - very.
U're more than tt to me

and i mean every word i say. and it all sums up to -you-
much as i really wan to know wat happened, i know it takes time. i'll wait. if time permits.this...sounds like a time bomb. argh parallel lines.

2008-09-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

ok this is my third post in one day.

可能这就是偶像的定义。

永远高高在上。

默默在背后欣赏－这是分使唯一能做的？

时间不多了。三个星期后，就是永远说再见了。。

me and my wishful thinking

2008-09-20T08:56:00.001-07:00

ok i dunno why im posting again. but then this is another one of my fav songs nowadays. esp the version by carrie during the compt. its very nice. ta jia yi qi bei chu mo ba!

and this is the Yi ran shi peng you by Yu Heng.
enjoy!

2008-09-20T08:17:00.001-07:00

大家都应该听听宇恒－依然是朋友。

其实不是新歌，但对我来说，一首好歌就是就算你很久很久没去听时，依然能触摸你的心灵。

那一夜我陪着你，你哭了一整夜

你是否知道我对他一样很想念

才知道有些感受

我和他谁都不曾说出口

我们之间隐藏了什么

除了我自己没人懂

可是你，你怎么说

你知道好事不是从此避开我

我一样难过

多希望我们不曾相识过

不在乎不再难过

我们还有好大好大的天空

故事的最后

我们都不曾失去过什么

我们像是两条平行线

永远不能坦白面对面

我在你的左边你在右边

没有交叉点

我们只是两条平行线

走多远都没有碰面的终点

而泪水只能含在心里面。。。

2008-09-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

ren shi le dai chi.
you ji hui, yi ding yao zao jian mian.

2008-09-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

i know i'd fail, bt i didnt know i'd fail this bad.
when i look back, i thought to myself whether it's just me.
mayb i hadnt really let go.
i can see mrs chai's face asking me what's happening.
i really wan to know too.
mayb its good tt i know the score now too, before she gives back in class. at least crying over it now is better than crying in class.

i really tried. i really did.

well mayb its because o levels prelims wasnt of a crash down to me.

gone.

2008-09-12T05:49:00.000-07:00

4bia was nice =D
watching ppl scream is even nicer. lol
prelims are..killers. sigh but i guess i did everything i could? (well at least for some subjects)

i hope u fare fine =D

2008-09-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA.

WO YAO FENG LE LA.

2008-08-30T08:31:00.001-07:00

well well haven been touching bOOOOOOks since econs ended.
well well and i just woke up. which is like...11pm now. what time am i going to sleep today.
well well.

MY PI GU G0T HOLE TODAY!OMGOMG. TTS LIKE SOOOOO MALULIC.
lucky its jin hui who saw it. no jia ying. no wendy!

i was swimming. and after watching jin hui waddle in the water desperately. i decided to tell him to sit slide. (whee sengkang has this super new complex which has become my second home! there are 9 NINE JIU slides ok. and its those BIG SPLASH and WILD WILD WET kind. take like hmm 5 secs to slide from top to bottom one!~)

so off we went to sit slide...and we tried the two storeys one. then the 2.5 storeys ones. then finally the super exciting 3 storeys one.

THEN WE DECIDED TO SIT THE 3 STOREYS ONE AGAIN
and...

JINHUI SAID : NELSON! NI DE PI GU PO DONG LA!!!
NELSON : OMG JIN HUI QU NA TOWEL GEI WO!
and off i went to find a wall. and i stuck my butt to it. lol. and pretended to adjust my goggles. lol.

and after changing my trunks. i saw the hole. then i was saying to jin hui tt it's small small oni la!

JINHUI: NO LORH! U WEAR THEN IT STRETCH AND THE SUNLIGHT REFLECT AND I CAN SEE MYSELF IN IT! ITS LIKE A MIRROR!

OK i didnt know my butt was tt hot!

and omg i demanded 300000 from jin hui cos he watched some porn.

and he wanted 3000000 from me cos he said he needed to clean his eyes.

boo hoo i wondered how many saw tt!~ SO MALU.

anyway i g0t new trunks now. HAHA

and omg i went to swim for half a lap oni wth.

---

next...this year's teachers' day.. i oni made one present and it took me like 3 hours alr. MR KOH KAI HONG BETTER BE SO HAPPY OKAY..ITS MY SWEAT AND BLOOD.

presenting nelson's state-of-the-art-de-art.

heeee. hope he likes it. despite him always suaning me. =D
its 100% diyed. and fully drawn using pencil. and i used up my whole pencil.

2008-08-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

无言以对

如果会后悔就该学会

在爱的时候用智慧

盖一座堡垒

收藏你的美

一进一退

流过的眼泪不算白费

谎言和是非有点累

心痛着在回味

月光下我们走过的那条街

当时的手还牵得那么直接

是你不再留恋还是美好终究善变

月光下回忆在我身边穿越

你会不会残留着那感觉

熟悉的体温留下的指纹

别过问

一进一退

流过的眼泪不算白费

谎言和是非有点累

心痛着在回味

月光下我们走过的那条街

当时的手还牵得那么直接

是你不再留恋还是美好终究善变

月光下回忆在我身边穿越

你会不会残留着那感觉

熟悉的体温留下的指纹

别过问

那天凝视你的双眼

不说一句的吻你的脸喔~

谁的出现打断了永远。。。

月光下我们走过的那条街

当时的手还牵得那么直接

是你不再留恋还是美好终究善变

月光下回忆在我身边穿越

你会不会残留着那感觉

熟悉的体温留下的指纹

别过问

熟悉的体温留下的指纹

别过问

2008-08-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

today was a slack day for me i guess
need tt break seriously

table tennis was superb today.

bowling.. oman i miss those pins smash. and im so going to get a new ball after As.. and perhaps join the kovan league! bowling is truly my love la! haha..mayb jia ying they all know another one. lol

mah jong.. o man im so going to earn some easy income from jia ying and wendy. and mayb give some to .. haha! (jy and wendy hor?)

swimming.. with tt new swimming complex at sengkang.. who can resist?

graffiting.. perhaps i'll spend some time writing my frens' names as a farewell gift. but then it seems like there's a curse of these la. every fren i give this to...after a while jiu either quarrelled..or having different beliefs..or simply lost contact.

seafood.. wa.. who cares about some stupid leg disease on my foot after As?

o man im so going to anticipate all these.

on another note...i wished i had known u earlier la. mayb im fooling with fate. but then...hmm i dunno what to say.

随着成长　远离家乡
回头遥望　我满肩坚强
为了梦想　振翅飞翔
怎么遗忘　熟悉的家香
When you feel the slip
When you start to crack
When it's all to hell
Know I have your back
Whether right or wrong
Is beside the point
'Cause we're more than blood
当我张开翅膀　试图往　梦里闯
时间却不经意　迷失家　的方向
当我满载成就　回头向　起点望
灰尘布满翅膀　飞不回　那扇窗

2008-08-21T06:38:00.000-07:00

omg omg
so happy today!
hahah!~

oh..and li jia wei please help feng tian wei revenge tml ok! zhang yining wo men lai le pong pong pong!!!!

2008-08-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

我学着坚强去面对

不让伤悲太过绝对

看着生命最美好的一面

回忆留给昨天

我可以坚强去面对

那些曾经我不避讳

留不住或许还剩一张照片

慢慢去纪念

yst was a shock ba..lol.
hmm come to think of it. if it was some other ppl i saw..would i react even more? oh please better not.

tTs why ttS WhY TTS WHY i want to graduate faster la.
so tt watever happens next i wont get to witness
cos for this kinda of thing.
ignorance is bliss.
and its so omg.
wendy jia ying and now me.

and i did something malu today! ahh...
i hope tml wont be wierd =(

skali get daoed again. =(

ok i dunno what im talking. lol.

2008-08-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

ok tt was a shock.
chill chill nelson chill

just wait and see.
when the day comes i promise i'll see u on the flipside.

bac two fold.
fakula.
wtf.

fakula.
fakula.
fakula.
fakula.
fakula.

平常心

2008-08-08T04:53:00.000-07:00

街道静的刺耳

夜被路灯染色

趁感伤醒来前

先上车不会不舍

我真的累得不想再拉扯

我寻找的平静

是我将来看电影

带着一颗平常心

不必为谁心碎闭上眼睛

我需要的平静

是敢回头看曾经

那些为爱患得患失的情景

我选择忘记

我不懂得取舍

才让心痛堆着

找得到前些年

的快乐只是偶尔

回忆是个诱饵

是来叫我回去的

要伤能愈合

我非走不可

2008-07-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

天天都能见面

从来就不曾烦恼过时间

在同一个校园看同样那一张脸

想不出未来又会有怎样改变

最后一个夏天...我们就要说再见

很想知道你会记得我哪一点

最后一个夏天...没有心情去海边

只想静静躲在房间翻照片

梦还是一样甜我们都还是我们

睁开眼离别却已在眼前

如果努力一点将来也许很有钱

那时候什么愿望都能够实现

最后一个夏天...我们不要说再见

只想知道你是否记得这一天

'cos i wan u to stop ur nonsense'
'stop it'
'argh'
ha. i'll rmb those.

been reading other ppl's blogs. other ajcians..and its all so emo!
Cheer up ppl. cheer up. cos this time its 最后一个夏天.

2008-07-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

walked thus far.
and i dun wanna go back.

这一份无奈永藏心底

beneath it all i knw jolly well it's just me.
those last words still haunts me now and then.

i must be strong.

show me the world's most beautiful.
show me the ugly side of life too.

当世界不知不觉的变了

是谁惹谁言不由衷

说谎伤害都是不安犯的错

心

2008-07-27T03:02:00.000-07:00

zzz
hypo testin suck man. fufu. =(
sample variance population mean sample mean standard error unbiased est of mean unbiased est of variance oh man they all look the same to me wat the shit.

I NEED KAI HONG'S HELP. ZZZ.

oh and i hate closets.

MY EYES ARE HUNGRY.

有的时候没有新闻就是好新闻

疯狂时间

WO YAO FENG LE LA. SAMPLING AND HYPO I LOVE U. LOVE ME PLEASE.

2008-07-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

其實很簡單

其實很自然

其實并不難是你太悲觀

隔著一道墻不跟誰分享

不想讓你為難

你不再需要給我個答案

但是怎么說總覺得

我們之間留了太多空白格

也許你不是我的

愛你卻又該割舍

分開或許是選擇

但它也可能是我們的緣分

一朵云能载多少思念的寄托

再忽然相遇街头

当我们擦身而过

那短短一秒钟

都明白什么都变了

一转身谁能把感慨抛在脑后

在事过境迁以后

这段情就算曾经刻骨且铭心过

过去了又改变什么

地球它又公转了几周了

我不难过了甚至真心希望你能幸福

当我了解你只能活在记忆里头

我不恨你了甚至原谅你的残酷理由

当我了解

连回忆都是负荷

我不恨你了

甚至感谢这样不期而遇

i'm not eMOing~! nice phrases rite? simple yet it holds meaning. whees.

life's been good! hah actually going to sch nowadays is fun. special missions everyday =D

2008-07-05T08:42:00.001-07:00

afterall.
a 100 is nth compared to 1.
ha.
thx.
1221. now 0000.
thats kinda sad.

2008-07-04T06:23:00.000-07:00

a new term.
tml. a new 18th year of my life.

results hasnt been gd. not tttttt bad. bt it was just different.
just show how much time i wasted.
buck up buck up.

o. i wanna be a yoyo master. PIYO PIYO.Co. FENG HUO LUN!
hey and yoyoing is not tt easy ok. esp if u have those REAL yoyo. not those lan lan ones. currently having a PA aka personal ASSistant vivien ang, SC aka senior cleaner felicia choo, and LH aka logistic head wendy ang in piyopiyo.

well well...

你最近还好吗?

but then i know theres a great bunch of frens with me. u must jia you too.

2008-06-15T22:38:00.001-07:00

sigh. deep thoughts. yet again.

昨天所有的荣誉，已变成遥远的回忆。

勤勤苦苦已度过半生，今夜重又走入风雨。

再苦再难也要坚强，只为那些期待眼神。

心若在梦就在，天地之间还有真爱吗？

看成败人生豪迈，只不过是从头再来..

可悲..

可悲..

那烟盒中的云彩，那酒杯中的大海

统统装进我空空的胸怀

我越来越会胡说，我越来越会沉默

我越来越会装做我什么都不明白

啦啦啦……

看看前后左右，看看男女老少

看看我那到了头的金光大道

感觉不到心跳，感觉不到害臊

感觉不到自己想还是不想知道

啦啦啦……

我不愿离开，我不愿存在

我不愿活得过分实实在在

我想要离开，我想要存在

我想要死去之后从头再来

緣

2008-06-10T23:39:00.000-07:00

緣 . . .
從前有個書生, 和未婚妻約好在某年某月某日結婚.
到那一天,未婚妻卻嫁給了別人. 書生受此打擊, 一病不起.
家人用盡各種辦法都無能為力, 眼看奄奄一息.
這時, 路過一游方僧人, 得知情況, 決定點化一下他.

僧人到他床前, 從懷裡摸出一面鏡子叫書生看.
書生看到茫茫大海,一名遇害的女子一絲不掛地躺在海灘上.
路過一人, 看一眼, 搖搖頭, 走了....
又路過一人, 將衣服脫下, 給女屍蓋上, 走了....
再路過一人, 過去, 挖個坑,小心翼翼把屍體掩埋了............
疑惑間, 畫面切換. 書生看到自己的未婚妻. 洞房花燭,
被她丈夫掀起蓋頭的瞬間...
書生不明所以.

僧人解釋道, 那具海灘上的女屍, 就是你未婚妻的前世.
你是第2個路過的人, 曾給過他一件衣服. 她今生和你相戀,只為還你一個情.
但是她最終要報答一生一世的人,是最後那個把她掩埋的人,那人就是他現在的丈夫.

書生大悟, 唰地從床上做起, 病癒 !
幾年前, 初戀的愛人去世時, 我痛不欲生.
有朋友就找來這故事開導我,讓我釋懷不少.
也許, 她來到這個世界上,就是為了還我一片情吧..
她做完了她想做的事, 就走了.
以後,我都用這個故事開導身邊的朋友.

緣這個東西, 是最不可思議的.
電影'不見不散'的主題歌這樣唱道:

'這世界說大就大,說小就小.
就算是我們今生的約定, 也要用一生去尋找....'
緣分這東西不可強求. 該你的, 早晚是你的:
不該你的,怎麼努力,也得不到.
但無論任何時候, 我們都不要絕望.
不要放棄自己對真, 善, 美的愛情追求.

人生的價值, 在某種意義上講, 就是愛和被愛的成熟.
當真愛來臨, 如果也就成熟了.
隨緣............
　隨意............ ..
　　隨遇..........
　　　隨喜..........

dun worry. no.
=D
whee

2008-05-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

thanks =D
thanks to these ppl. alot.
CHOO JIA YING the bamboo and panda
GERALD CHAN the dumb boy
TSO HOI TING the feng fei fei
VIVIEN ANG the lame lame
ANG SEE YUEN the hohoho
KOH YI LIN the having-same-probs girl
JOCELYN TING the jocey-vincey

i'll making it =D

stronger than ever.

whee for once this is not an emo post.

i'll put it thru and i'll survive.

5 more months !~ YAY

水晶蜻蜓

2008-05-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

他们的麻木　让我好害怕
是不是这个世界的希望
已被吸走
我看见梦里的水晶蜻蜓
找不回的童年　谁也不能
把它收藏在玻璃瓶
所以一步一步往前进
是为了留住水晶蜻蜓
有一天我会看得见
闭着眼睛　飞过海洋的原因
笑容变好假
苦心决定要去的新地点
好不容易到了会不会发现
原来整个世界的希望　已被吸走

2008-04-23T08:10:00.001-07:00

故事的结局走不出背影我也想收起所有的回忆最后一次
心弱了。这场游戏，我不会玩。。
ggone.

2008-04-09T08:18:00.001-07:00

i duno what to do.
lots of things bottling up in me.
but seeing u in this state, i know this isint the right time to say this.
please stand up strong..
u have so many supporting u..take a look back and see the ones u left out.
i know nth can replace, thats why i feel so useless
i guess standing by ur side.. not saying a single thing is all that i can do.
or isit not?
im sorry.
a best fren having a best fren problem.

so who can understand how i feel then?

2008-04-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

我张开了手
却只能抱住风
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有云都跑到我这里

释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

朦胧的时间　
我们溜了多远
冰刀划的　
圈起了谁改变
如果再重来　
会不会稍嫌狼狈
爱是不是不开口才珍贵

再给我两分钟　
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪　
你妆都花了要我怎么记得
记得你叫我忘了吧　
记得你叫我忘了吧
你说你会哭　
不是因为在乎

2008-02-15T07:15:00.000-08:00

5 days. its hurting me
'i'll be a better friend. '
'i guess u're right. its always me initiating conversations'
i trusted everything.
going to penang for tt.
going ard singapore's 7 marksandspenc.
all the things u said.

afterall. to me i lost a best fren.
to u.. u lost an insignificant fren.

going to sch everyday is stupid.
hais.
are u waiting to me to say something first again..
isit tt hard for u to initiate.

2008-02-11T06:01:00.000-08:00

seen thru u.
wo he-N ni

in the end

2008-02-10T05:35:00.000-08:00

Its so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on
But didn't even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch it go
I kept everything inside and even tho I tried
It all fell apart
What it meant to me will evetually be a memory of a time when
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
put my trust in you
Pushed as far as i can go
For all this
Theres only one thing u should know

2008-01-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

当别人误解我的时候
我总是沉默
沉默对我来说其实是一种反驳
当世界遗忘我的时候
我一个人过
幸福对我来说其实是一种传说
当敌人越来越多
朋友都离开我
当爱情变成一种负担却无法解脱

我不是沉默的羔羊
我有话要讲
给我一点酒
让我有勇气
向你吐露我的悲伤
我不是沈默的羔羊
我也有梦想
当明天太阳升起
照在我的脸上
我一样能散发光芒

羔羊也会怒吼
沉默是一种力量
你是不是和我一样
在现实中学会坚强

2008-01-18T06:52:00.000-08:00

tt was 4 years bad. titanium. now u.
it took me 2 years to forget. i wonder how long this will take.
but one day i will
i know.
before its all too late.
give it up nelson
fuck off and get a life la nelson

2008-01-16T06:24:00.001-08:00

我知道如果不放手，受伤的最后还是我自己。

2008

2007-12-31T20:03:00.000-08:00

its sad how i say happy new year to myself when i know this year's gonna be tough.
like 2007 isint jinxed enuf. sigh.
oh. and to have ur right eyelid twitching for the past weeeeeks isin any better. wtf
for 2008
somehow to forget u. they know my plight.

2007-12-26T21:42:00.000-08:00

世界太罗唆能不能够放空失踪,
是谁在我的背后说什麼好像又没说,
一颗心总被你悬在半空中难受,
没有你我发现自己无法感动,
是否当身边的人都变成观众我该做作,

也许到最后你还是要走

一个人完成

2007-12-25T06:35:00.000-08:00

以前我不懂得

未必明天　就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛....　
sigh.
连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

我越来越像贝壳
怕心被人触碰　你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了
hais.

2007-12-22T00:59:00.000-08:00

zuo tian. wo lei le.
wu fa wan jiu?
hais

2007-12-13T06:57:00.000-08:00

they bring u up up up.
and they throw u down.
and u know wat?
somehow i've been in this position before..told myself never to repeat the same mistake..and here i am suffering from this.yet once more.
o mannnnnnn
they each have their own.
somehow i wonder whether i have one
ha.
at least tell me the reason.
i guess after 1 week of non-emo
its back again.
same state same person same outcome.
i ttm.

没有期望，就不会失望

2007-11-23T07:34:00.000-08:00

bie tie dao...nelson

2007-11-21T07:02:00.001-08:00

sorry ppl.
its back to the emo nelson
just heard some really bad news..
thx for making my already bad week worst.
o man u rock =)

fuk

great. just continue like tt. perhaps one day i'll have enuf reason to give it all up.

people do change.

2007-11-20T22:36:00.001-08:00

hmm. i shall blog in eng. o this blog's supposed to be hidden.
anw this is ripped from FIONA's BLOG..cos my situation has always been similar to hers? and she's a GREAT blogger. :)

The nightmare that I've been trying to escape from.

I hate myself for being weak, for being in the state that I am today. Why is it so hard for me to let go, for me to forget? But for certain things, it's not up to us to choose whether or not we forget. In fact, sometimes, the more we try, the harder it is to forget.

Sometimes I question if it's worth it. Two years of suffering, and all for that one month of beauty? The thing is, I don't even know how long this pain will continue to last. The silence between us is unbearable, and makes me even more miserable. The gap between us grows bigger day by day, and in fact, I see no evidence in your life today that I was once a part of your life. What happened to the promises you made me? To always be with me, no matter what could happen in the future? That I could always count on you being there?

It took me a lot of courage before I made an attempt to repair this wreck last night. But after going through all that nerves, what happens next? I didn't hear from you, nothing at all. Here I am, fighting so hard, but it seems like you don't even care.

Maybe to you, I am but a stranger. A stranger who was once a big part of your life, whom you truly treasured, but whom you've forgotten by now. Whom you've left behind in your past. Today, when we pass each other on the streets, we don't even say hello. It's almost as though we never once met, never once talked, never once shared that memory that was so beautiful to hold. If only I could say the same thing for you in my life. Good riddance to bad rubbish, one that brings me so much pain? You don't even have to do anything, don't even have to say a word to me, yet you can make me cry. And then after I'm done I get angry with myself and wonder why I even ought to waste my tears over someone like you.

I look forward to the day when I have no more tears to cry over you, and am able to embrace our memory without shaking, without falling apart. To the day when I can finally walk away from your shadow in my life and walk on, this time, without you by my side. Walk on free, without the shadow of our past coming back to haunt me, to pull me back, to hinder my progress. To the day when I can finally talk about you and say,

"Hey, that's all in the past. I'm thankful for that beautiful experience, but now I'm ready to make more of such beauty again...this time, with people whom I know will really stay for my sake".

But till that day, I'll be waiting..and crying whenever I'm reminded of our past.
A question nags at the back of my head, "Should I even bother?"
And now, with your presence there but not here, I'm wondering if I should try again.
But deep inside, a part of me is afraid to face this bravely. To handle this and clear up the entire issue once and for all. Because if I don't do anything, you'll still be in my life, and I can still hold on to the hope that maybe someday, just maybe, you'll come back. But if I do something, it could possibly be goodbye forever.
Am I ready to say goodbye to your shadow in my life?

o_O

2007-11-20T07:07:00.000-08:00

好烦
好气
好闷

期望，
失望，
绝望。

等待与期待。

haish
(o_O) mlm.

o_O

2007-11-19T06:37:00.001-08:00

别告诉我。。又再一次冷却了？
好累好累了，难道我真的是自作多情？
不想看得太远，要不然，我怕我就连爬着走都不敢。

换换爱所说的。。
我不想有什么期望，没期望，就不会失望。不是吗？
我想这也许是对得。
因为没期望，若你有再一次不理我，至少我不会那么难过。
若你忽然向我回音，至少那是我一时的幸运。
很悲观是吧？
这就是nelson o_O

可能，
幸福与智深，
根本不配

:'(

2007-11-12T06:57:00.000-08:00

又多一次的
一场欢喜一场空。

谢谢你。

晴天娃娃的神奇，我始终还相信，希望我能坚强。

2007-11-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

最后一线希望
用卫生纸揉出晴天娃娃
为他
画上笑的嘴巴
把雨滴
赶走吧
赶走吧

2007-11-10T07:36:00.000-08:00

突然觉得难过
只是因为听一首歌
听这一首歌
像是你对我的寄语

也许是我多心
总在猜测你话语间的声音
一个声音说
不要再留恋曾经的赋予

过去的都已是过去
我只能做回我自己
只能做回我自己

是爱已经是沙漠
而秋天也已来临
阳光落在身上
暖暖的很惬意

haish.

2007-11-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

断了的弦...再怎么连?
我沉默..but
你的话也不多
问你决定了再走
我了解离开树的叶
属于地上的世界凋谢

i only wish tt 你的改变我能够分辨

2007-11-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

狂胜之中我却黯然语带悲伤
是我在哭
不停犯错
不停推拖
养了一堆籍口等它成熟
前一秒说是朋友
后一秒诬赖我

withdraw

2007-11-05T06:08:00.000-08:00

选择我受够了。
我不是一个玩具啦。
每天过着这钟一场欢喜一场空的生活。。。快把逼疯了。
seriously i dunno how long i can last.
it all seems so perfect..and cynical me is here ranting.
他们全都帮不上忙。。
最美的场面，我都得装。
sick of this pretence game. wtf.

你要不就让我死，
不然就让这场恶梦别再继续。
its a fact, and i really wan to get it right.

一年前的这一个选择，
我到现在都看不出有什么利益。

2007-11-04T07:54:00.001-08:00

这样下去，我迟早会疯。
fuck.

记事本

2007-11-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

翻开随身携带的记事本
写着许多事都是关於你
你讨厌被冷落
习惯被守候
寂寞才找我
我看见自己写下的心情
把自己放在卑微的后头
等你等太久
想你泪会流
而幸福快乐是什么
爱的痛了
痛的哭了
哭的累了
日记本里页页执着
记载着你的好
像上瘾的毒药
它反覆骗着我
矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手
闭上眼睛让你走
烧掉日记重新来过
说我是笨的吧
可能是在逃避
好辛苦
又是我想太多？

我也不知道。

2007-10-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

我也不知道。
我不想不愿不去承认我的执著
怕不知不觉无法忍住眼泪不留
人，不是这样的吗？
明明知道，但还是去做。直到事情再一次从演，你才慌燃大误。说这是愚笨也好，其实我也不知道。

我害怕，
害怕明年，
害怕明天，
害怕自己又再一次受伤，
害怕自己又自作自受。

its been long.

2007-09-04T07:48:00.001-07:00

since last friday.

the pain's unbearable.

4 days le..how long would this end..?

walked in the rain yst..despite having fever.. i guess the feeling's good. at least the sky's crying with me.

It hurts me.

Life's hard.

2007-09-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

This is how i feel.. =(

Life's a lot harder when you have to face it alone.

Some people just don't treasure you. Some people just don't value you as much as you value them. Your friendship with them may be worth a million to you, but sometimes to these people it means nothing at all.

yea..u promised me. and i trusted u. but now?

For me, I know it means something to the both of us, but it's difficult for me to carry on because I know that no matter what, the value that I've placed on our friendship will never be equal to that coming from the opposite side.

Are you always the one having to initiate conversations? Are you always the one who asks him/her out? If it has been carrying on for some time now, then perhaps you should think of giving up. Maybe the value you've placed on the friendship is far greater than what they're willing to give.

yea..i guess if i never talk to u..u would never ever talk to me first le. or u dun even give a fucking damn.

It's fine to keep it up once in a while, but when it's a matter of months, it's too tiring to handle.

its hurting when u say one and do the other.
its even more hurting when it isint the first time.
and i have to face it everyday. really

at least fiona's better off than me.
she doesnt have to face hers everyday
but me?
i have to forget ...with u right in front of me
this sucks
and her problem's solved.
cos the other party wasnt as cold hearted as u...
i wish u cared.

But after all that has happened, I'm geting tired. It's not a good feeling to know that you're not being valued as much as you value the other person. And so I've decided to give up, and stop trying to make our friendship work, or even get back to what it used to be. Certain things can't be changed. I've given chances, and these chances are still open, but I'm no longer going to fight anymore.

They tried to help but they didn't see you crawl. They knew you fought but they never thought you'd fall. Hurts inside, no scars to show.

I fight against the hours I cannot go to sleep. I know that if I lay down now inside I know I'll weep. Guess I'm holding on to things that used to be, things that can never be.

You look at me now as always I'm keeping a straight face acting like I'm okay. The place that I long for is where the shadows won't dance on my walls anymore, where the nightmares will leave me alone. Take me to a place where I can disappear, to a place where they cannot find me. I tell them they're wrong, that I am okay, when in truth you don't see the tears that lie behind these eyes of mine.

These friendships that I thought were so real, that I thought could last forever, turned out to be something else. Something that was far from expectations.
At least I didn't have to face them after they left. But now, it's a different thing altogether. I still have a long way to go before your face disappears in front of mine. Before I can erase your part out of my life completely. People who haven't been through this will never understand.

You were the reason that made me stay on, but now you're the very reason why I want to leave...

can u pls initiate a cov. first?

frens

2007-09-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

eMo.

its frens tt u can call upon at 4 tt matters

u dun care.

whatever for am i hanging on.

fucked up shit.

i yearn for all this to end.

and the most ironic thing is

its just me.

pretence.

Thanks for acting like u cared

2007-08-13T03:49:00.000-07:00

这些友谊的碎片
要我怎么捡。。。
怪懒？让我给你看什么是真正的怪懒。
今天终算让我发现我们的友谊在你们眼里有多么的珍贵。。
只可惜。。你们只把它当做粪。
如果说我是那烂贝壳。。那你们是否有想过。。
你们就是那污染的海水？
或许命运的签只让我们遇见。。对。
只让我们遇见。。做最熟悉的陌生人。。顺便让我看看这世界有多么的丑陋。。
我万万没想到。。背叛我的人。。说我是非的人。。竟然也包括你们两人在内。
３年多的友情。。难道在你们心里。。我是那么的不珍贵吗？
３年多的友情。。让我深深体会到我们之间的友谊。。是多么的脆弱。
可能就像春天的花朵。。一到了冬天。。什么也没了。
回那从前？对不起。
我看这伤痕已永远流在我心里。。我已力不从心。。
you said i wasnt myself these few weeks..but instead of finding out..i guessed u made it worst.
i trusted u guys... perhaps too much
too much to the extent that u guys didnt take it to heart that what was said was hurting.
yea..especially u...i valued u. i thought me too had found a confidant.
but perhaps what wan lin said was right.
i would one day get hurt.
and that day is today.
yea..
Are you always the one having to initiate conversations? Are you always the one who asks him/her out? If it has been carrying on for some time now, then perhaps you should think of giving up. Maybe the value you've placed on the friendship is far greater than what they're willing to give
i'm sorry.this post may look petty..but thats how i really feel.

thanks for pretending that u cared.
so much for friendship.
i rather call it friendshit.

笑一笑，没有什么事情过不了。。我也想啊

2007-08-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

life's wierd.
wo zhen de ye xiang kuai le.
fang kai shou..wo hai zai you yu shen me?
hais..
wei shen me.

zhen me ban
shui neng gei wo yi ke wan mei de hui da..

hais...
wo hen wo zi ji.

nan dao zhe yi chi...wo bu neng hui tan ma..hais...

GET ALIVE NELSON.

wo hai sha sha de teng

2007-08-05T06:40:00.000-07:00

i need to RanT~! so here goes my han yu pin yin. if u have the will ...slowly read

yuan lai wo hai sha sha de deng. zhe shi ge yue li, wo yi wei wo zhen de zhao dao le neng pei wo du guo zhe man chang de dao lu de ren. dan wo xian zai zhen de huai yi wo shi fo cuo le.

zhen de. wo lei le.

ye xu rou ni cong mei qu xian, wo de shi jie jiu bu hui na me hui. zhen ke xi ar. chan ren de shi jian, zhong yao ba nuo yen, yi dian dian cui hui. haha, ke neng cong qi chu dao xian zai, geng ben mei you suo wei de nuo yen, zhi shi wo zhe da sha gua...zai zhe li yi xiang qing yuan shou ni bian.

ye xu ni ye gan dao hen lei le
ye xu ni geng yi zhi dou zai fu yan wo
ye xu zhi shi wo zai hu si luan xiang
dan ni you mei you xiang guo
rou ni zai wo xin li bu zhong yao de hua
wo geng ben bu hui zhe me zhuo

ye xu wo tai xiao qi, zhe shi ta shuo de. ye xu wo tai tian zhen...dan you shi hou, wo zhen de yi zhi zai zhe wen zi ji, wei shen mei hai sha sha di rang zi ji shou ni ze muo. wo shi ge sha gua, dan ta men bu shi suo... ren zhong shi ma ma mu mu de...you shi wo men zuo shi qing...hai bu shi ming zhi dao bu hui you jie guo...hai ben ben de qi zuo ma?

dui bu qi..wo wei shen me hai ai ni. wei shen me hai xiang zhe ni?

sometimes we're forced.

2007-07-31T07:45:00.000-07:00

perhaps everything in life happens for a reason
maybe ignorance is bliss.
mayb i shouldnt have trusted u.
mayb i'm a fool
mayb i'm thinking too much
mayb u matters too much
mayb.. just mayb

i try to think positive, but i'm not tt naive.

wei le wo zhi ji...wo zhi hao zhi yang zuo.
YIN WEI... NI SHI WO BIAN WO..

=|

2007-07-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

当你在穿山越岭的另一边我在孤独的路上没有尽头一辈子有多少的来不及发现已经失去最重要的东西恍然大悟早已远去为何总是在犯错之后才肯相信错的是自己他们说这就是人生试著体会试著忍住眼泪还是躲不开应该有的情绪我不会奢求世界停止转动我知道逃避一点都没有用只是这段时间里尤其在夜里还是会想起难忘的事情我想我的思念是一种病久久不能痊愈当你在穿山越岭的另一边我在孤独的路上没有尽头时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息汲汲营营忘记身边的人需要爱和关心藉口总是拉远了距离不知不觉无声无息我们总是在抱怨事与愿违却不愿意回头看看自己想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情也许是上帝给我一个试炼只是这伤口需要花点时间只是会想念过去的一切那些人事物会离我远去而我们终究也会远离变成回忆oh 思念是一种病oh 思念是一种病一种病多久没有说我爱你多久没有拥抱你所爱的人当这个世界不在那黱美好只有爱可以让他更好我相信一切都来得及别管那些纷纷扰扰别让不开心的事停下了脚步就怕你不说就怕你不做别让遗憾继续一切都来得及

i think i know.

2007-07-02T00:07:00.000-07:00

但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧
免得感情变得复杂
但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗
谁能给我一个好的回答

perfect =)

很疲倦
在留与离开之间周旋
慌到没有知觉

掉进一个谎言
手不肯放
就会整个沦陷

很危险
怎么能爱得那么卑微
等着被你忽略
害怕得眼泪流一整夜
但你的安慰
却只给一点
应该怎么摆脱
爱情的包围
让我往后退

yea.. =)

我试着判断
试着习惯
被爱的盲点
完全弃权
不让你分配快乐伤悲
放弃为你
再生别用等待来熬夜
放弃配合你
要个情节做个心虚的演员
爱你的泪
明天会不见
春天应该不远

眼看着你出去游戏人间
只任自己
埋怨

后悔

i think i know... =) for u made me learn.

Break

2007-05-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

so long didnt blog. and when i do blog

it's because i'm sad.

reason? i dunno too.

term 2 coming to an end...
to think i've been in a jc for like half a year? whoo hoo.
i made it somehow...

with bruises all over.

life's a 90 degree twist over the corner...
and it really hurts.

flunged physics spa. its easy to say to move on but its hard to preach la.
wat if u were me?

hais.
somehow i dun feel i have a home.
zZz.

bottling everything to myself really hurts
but i have to la. hais

emo emoing emoed.

other than the physics spa..
somehow when monday comes....
i'll be already looking forward to fridays....
and when friday comes...
i feel like going to sch cos i'm sick of my house..do i even have one?
and this viscous cycle goes again...

How ironic.

what do i really wan?
and..my sis's becoming someone i dun even know...hais. what can i do?
i'm a junior..but somehow it hurts me to think she cant think right.
hais..
i've tried my best.
pls change..to the one i know last time.

hais.

cos suicide sounds so tempting.
perhaps someday i really would.

o man what am i thinking.
hais.

pretence starts tml...again.

i need some brace.

lalalas

2007-04-07T02:19:00.000-07:00

hm.

got my bowling equipment..
and its like
FiNALly!!~

they just cant understand...
and perhaps they ever can

fuck my life

2007-04-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

yes. so fuckin sway

i admit some parts is my prob.

but u dunnid to say as if it's my duty to do so.

and am so disaapointed that the fuckin compo which i spent a fuckin cb 2.5 hours to write is out of point.

to think chinese compo is my strength
NEL WAKE UP LA
it's not the same anymore...

i'm really tired...
sometimes i really feel i'm going crazy
on the verge of breakin down..
really.

no one cares no one understands.
mayb becos i'm a cancerian
deep in thoughts.
and i really cant open up to anyone
call me a cynic..
but..
mayb i'm afraid of rejections

and sometimes...
mayb i have too high an expectations..
but the things they say hurt me.
mayb they are just kidding
mayb they dun mean it
mayb i'm petty
mayb i cant stand jokes
mayb its the truth

but

deep down inside.
it hurts.
stop the mocking. i hate it

the one who always wear a smile on their face is not neccessary the happiest ones.
at least it's the truth for me.
the agony.
it hurts
and mayb i'm weak.

yes weak.

i'm tired..
i really am going crazy.

u...so busy with ur cca. i cant tell u my probs
u...i seriously cant relate to u despite being frens for 2 years
u...u'll just laugh at me la if i tell u my probs.
u...i guess time will see whether i can relate to u.

haiz...i'm sorry guys.

cos it sounds so tempting.
and here it comes again
my future is so
bleak.

doing all i can.
to be a better man
i am really trying
REALLY.
i need some light.

emo

2007-03-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

i hate myself. getting so emo nowadays..

hais.

i know there's a problem...

isit with me?

i tried to open my eyes...
but i'm blinded by the white light..

when's the last time i laugh Really heartily..
or did i ever have a first time?

i just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

i'm hanging by a thread
i wan to start this over again
so i tried to go..
back onto a time..
where nth matters..

and i cant explain what happen

and i..

cant....
erase the things tat i've done.

nel..get a hold of urself.
Quick.
...

5th april. for the last time i hope

Enuf of all these shit.

random

2007-03-28T03:46:00.000-07:00

haven been bloggin for quite a while

i need to find that momentum

i guess i am.

deep down inside i know...

drowned by it...
i guess as the tides rise they will grab on to anything available to keep themselves afloat.

go nel go.

random pics

2007-03-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Jia ying, Tueston and Me! JIAYING IS EXTRA =XX

when will it end?

2007-03-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

i thought it would all end yesterday and now they tell me 14 June

wtf
wtf
wtf

just how long will it take la

16 years

i've had enough.

what do u guys know.
u're not me.
the agony. the annoyance. the fucked up feelin.

u ok?
yea
and obviously i'm not.

but what can i do?

i need some light

2007-03-11T06:46:00.001-07:00

something's wrong

or isit just me?

i need some light

seriously.

go.go.go...

random

2007-03-08T06:20:00.001-08:00

some parts are from see yuen's blog

Everyone has a story to tell
When isit my turn?

Listen to my story
This may be my last chance...

Please

Choices

2007-03-08T06:09:00.001-08:00

CHOICES

and so..after much pondering

4H2.

i wont regret i hope.

It's cliche la.

it isin't that perfect after all.
Whats perfect?

2 mths over 4 years.
call me selfish
but i care.
i seriously do.

CROSSROADS

i'll make it thru.
I'll.

isit just me?

u suck i suck.
somehow it hurts
and u guys just piercing it thru

one day i'll break down. i really would.

RPGRPG..
it always ends perfectly.
I know my will.

PURSUIT of Happyness...

2007-03-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

really...somethings in life are ironic..(how many times have i said that?)

now i understands how a MIDDLEMAN feels.

so they burst.

like i did.

it's tough..
and today..i've noticed...

it's only frens that are close to us that we normally quarrel with..
the closer u are to a fren..
the more flaws u seem to see in him or her..
i guess it's true..at least today

adding on the fact that we watch Pursuit of Happyness today?
so ironic la...zzz

..seriously...

Nicholas
Daniel
Soon Kiat
Nigel
Jiong Guang

u guys will be missed =) all the best to nick and dan for their appeals.

who's there?nobody. hee.

PURSUIT of happyness?
yes..cos we cant be happy.
pursuit is the closest way we can get to it.
just my opinion though.

Fiend?

i'll fight.

My life's an RPG..

this ends and that starts

2007-03-05T07:01:00.000-08:00

end of pae..

so soon tt i hasnt realised it..

it wasnt tt bad...on the other hand...i'll miss some ppl..seriously.

haha..all the fun we had..ponning lessons..jia ying's scare..bai hang bangs..me zi lianing..zzz.

if there isin't an ending...all these wouldn't be tt memorable..will they?

bunch of great guys...

Gerald

Daniel

Lawson

Nicholas

John

Ja Yang

and so on and so forth. the whole of 27/07

life's ironic..am i posting this so as to let me remember them for life?

watever. so life moves on.

and here it begins...Jae.

cos suicide sounds so tempting..

somethings in life are ironic.

just ironic

ya.

and here goes...

2007-03-04T05:06:00.000-08:00

after much careful consideration...
i've decided to create YET another blog.

however this blog is created not on a happy mood..

too many things on my mind

i need a breather.

u move on, because there's nthing else u can do

i guess some things are not within my control.

i can only watch

and

hope.